"How Do You Measure Your Year?"

"525,600 minutes. 525,000 moments so dear. 515,600 minutes. How do you measure, measure a year?"

One of my favorite musicals is the Broadway hit "RENT." Those above lines come from the opening scene of the play turned Hollywood film and helped viewers ask themselves how do they truly define a year in their lives. As I think about the lesson behind the story's plot, I realize that too often we get so caught up in our everyday lives that before we know it, another year has come to an end and we look back on the year and wonder, "Where did the time go?"

I once heard a famous comedian tell his audience that if you are doing the same thing next year as you were doing the year before, then you, my friend, are not pimpin'. Now granted, this particular comedian explained this life lesson in a more vulgar and comedic manner, however, the lesson still remained true in life today. Indeed if you are living in the exact manner that you were this year as you were last year, you cannot blame anyone but yourself. Too often I hear people blame society and individuals for their downfalls and "slacking' mentality. However, in reality, no one has control over your life except you. You are in the driver's seat and only you can steer, unless you decide to sit in the back seat of life and let someone else drive. For those individuals that tend to let others drive their lives while they sit in the back seat and complain, a little phrase from one of singer Rhianna's songs comes to mind, "Shut up and drive!"

At the end of the year we all hear some New Year's Resolutions that never seem to disappear: lose weight, stop smoking, exercise more, eat more healthy, go back to school, find a job. The list goes on and on. But isn't it obvious that some of the most simple resolutions that we can make for ourselves as individuals is simply changing a few ways that we do everyday tasks to make things even better for us? If you want to earn more money, find something you are good at and make it work for you so it doesn't feel so much like a job. If you want to help a child further succeed in life, try looking in your own neighborhood, church or even family. Even if you want to simply have a more positive outlook on life, simply try surrounding yourself with more positive people. Although these are simply three out of the billions of ways that you can improve your life, there are so many others. You have to determine what works for you, and what will allow you to move further in life with each passing year.

The story of "RENT" not only taught the lesson of living each day as if it is your last. But it stressed each person to look within themselves to find out how they measure the years in their lives. "525,600 minutes. 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes. How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?" Each of us will have to face the end of a year as each one passes by and opens the door for a new year. How will you change in the new year? How will you measure your time spent during that year? If you can look back and shut the door and feel confident that YOU can make things better in the new year, then you, my friend, are pimpin' this thing called life, and making it work for you. Make this new year count, and make sure that each one of those 525,600 minutes in a year work for you.

"Crossing the Lines"

Decades ago, the thought of interracial dating was something that was not only frowned upon, but could possibly land you some serious jail time, public humiliation, or even death. But nowadays, it is becoming more and more common. Even Hollywood has crossed the barriers of same-race couples in movies and television programs and are now featuring more interracial couples.

Although it has become a more common trend, it still has some controversy, especially in the African-American community. I actually remember sitting in a forum that circulates around bringing cultures together, and noticed that interracial dating among blacks is still frowned upon, but mostly by their own people. Black women tend to believe that their men are being taken away from them when they see a black man with a white woman. This is especially true in the Hollywood and professional athletic field. For instance, if you look at some of our football and basketball stars, there are several big name black athletes that are dating or married to a woman of another race. This is something that many black women feel is just too much for them to handle.

However, there are times when black men will see a very successful black woman and be utterly speechless when they find that she is on the arm of a white man. This may lead them to wonder if the woman has given up on her own men and wonder if she feels she is too good to be with a black man. Why is this? Truthfully, no one truly knows or understands.

Could it be seen as a slap in the face when a black woman sees a black man with a white woman? Is it the same insult when the tables are turned? Who knows. Although interracial dating is nothing that is new, it still is and probably always will be a controversial subject.

"Where Is the Class?"

In today's society, we have become accustomed to glamorizing women and their ways. Decades ago and even further back than that women were seen as the vessels of life and were glorified for their beauty and grace from the inside out. Some of those glorified women span back as far as Queen Cleopatra to as current as First Lady Michelle Obama. In between those years we have seen women that have graced runways, red carpets, stages, silver screens, and even in corporate offices with a phenomenal and undeniable attribute that we know as class and timeless beauty. Those women have come in all colors, races, shapes and sizes. Yes. Such women as Marilyn Monroe, Rita Hayworth, Josephine Baker, Lena Horne, Rosa Parks and Coretta Scott King have demonstrated these attributes and so many more.

But what happens when you push the time forward to our present day, add sexuality, take away class, and add the ever-budding reality show phenomenon? You get a world of women that are glamorized for who can scream the loudest, fight the hardest, sleep with the most men, and put it all on the line just for their 15 minutes of fame.

I found myself watching a reality show that is becoming the talk of the town on the network Oxygen. This show is appropriately called, "The Bad Girls Club". You can catch a sneak peek at the show here

The show puts 7 self-proclaimed "bad girls" in a mansion and they are expected to live with one another while trying to change their ways. Honestly, what happened to the days where parents raised their daughters to be young ladies and carry themselves as such? When I watch this show, I can't help but wonder where did we as a society go wrong? Where did the class that was once admired get lost amongst the television generation? This show displays the outrageous behavior of women that party, drink, exploit themselves, and become monsters just ready to explode at any given moment. How is that such women can be glorified and the much classier women are looked over as boring? More importantly, how is a young girl growing up today supposed to understand what is an acceptable and respected young woman when such outrageous behavior is glamorized?

When I was growing up, I remember seeing images on television and in magazines that made me think that the only way to be seen as a glorified woman was to wear the least amount of clothing possible and be the center of attention no matter what it took. However, I also had a mother that directed me in a way so that my mind would not be tainted by such images. She helped me to understand that ladies do not carry themselves in such a classless manner and you respect yourself because you are a woman of God.

Now, not every young girl was taught such values. But that is when we have to reach out to our troubled young girls and help them to understand that class and self-respect is what separates the girls from the women, and the trash from the class.

If you see a young woman handling herself in a way that is otherwise, help her to understand that she is too beautiful to display herself in such a lewd and disgusting manner. Each one should teach one. Help her to know that she is truly a queen no matter what. It is our job as women to uphold ourselves in a respectable manner and we have to help pave the road for upcoming generations of women. The women of decades past knew their worth and it is important for us as women to remember their legacies and know our worth and value as well.

The Black Superwoman

"Even when I'm a mess I still put on a vest with an 'S' on my chest oh, yes. I'm a superwoman. Yes I am."

These are the beloved and powerful words of R & B sensation Alicia Keys in her hit single, Superwoman. Who can forget the strength and inspiration behind the lyrics of this powerful song? Indeed, the lesson of the song is very inspiring and has actually encouraged me during times when I feel like I can't go on. But how many of us actually try to live up to the standards of the modern Superwoman? Actually many of us, and sometimes we don't realize our own kryptonite.

As black women, we are taught to take on the world one day at a time. We wake up, cook, clean, go to work, get the kids to school, pay bills, pick the kids up from school, make dinner, bathe the kids, wash the dishes, pay more bills, get the kids to bed, and finally try to get to bed at a decent time. All this just to wake up the next day and start all over again. Even within those daily tasks, other objectives can be squeezed in, such as dating, tending to friends and family members, and running other errands as well. But there is one objective that we tend to neglect while we are handling those tasks: ourselves.

So often we as black women tend to put others before ourselves. We have been raised to believe that we are the superwomen of this world and we are to be independent and take care of all other things that may concern us with a smile on our faces and through all the stress. But we forget to realize how important it is to take care of ourselves. We often become so engrossed in our daily lives that we forget to take the time to truly appreciate who we are from the inside out. We never think twice about putting ourselves last and consistently put others before us, not knowing that we are wearing ourselves and our health down.

Essence.com reported on a woman who went through the same ordeal. You can read her story here.

The fact of the matter is that as women, we need to remember to take time out for ourselves, even if only for a few minutes a day. Try meditating in silence for ten minutes at least. Read a book in a relaxing setting for a half hour here and there. Try picking up a new craft or activity and doing such a few times a week. And if you really want to spoil yourself, try heading to your nearest spa and just relax a little or take a mini vacation someplace new and exciting.

The bottom line is to always remember that being a superwoman doesn't mean ignoring yourself all the time. It simply means finding a balance in your life so that you can appreciate who you are from the inside out. Even Superman took a break to renew himself. Why shouldn't us Superwomen do the same?

HIV/AIDS Epidemic and Collge Students

We've all heard the statistics about the HIV/AIDS epidemic among black men and women. In fact, the numbers among the black community are so high that this disease has become the leading cause of death among black women between the ages of 25 and 34. What's even more scary is that the disease is beginning to spread among our college students.

Coming from Detroit, I was shocked when I got the news that my own city ranked so high in the nation regarding STD statistics. It appeared that more of the youth was more concerned about STD's rather than their ACT's and SAT's. How could this have been the case? With all the different ways of prevention and protection, one would think that people would be a little smarter when it comes to their sexual activities. Apparently, there are a few factors that may help us to better understand why this epidemic is against blacks in huge numbers.

According to a study conducted by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) the epicenter of the HIV/AIDS epidemic is among college students. CDC reported that although they don't provide specific data for college students, it was stated that 1 in 500 college students is HIV positive. This makes it easier to speculate that the statistic is even higher among African-American students, due to the high statistics among the African-American community in general. In fact, African-American women are more likely to contract the disease from high risk heterosexual activity, usually because they are unaware of their partner or partners' sexual history. Some of those activities in their partner's history may include unprotected sex, bisexuality, and drug use. See the entire study here.

The fact of the matter is that college offers a great deal of opportunities for students to engage in high risk behavior, including promiscuity. Students tend to be adventurous and don't make it a habit to think past the moment, especially when it comes to sexual activity.

The fact is that we as black women need to be more conscious and smart about our sexual activities and the sexual history of our partner or partners. Most young people tend to have what I like to call the "Not Me" mentality- meaning that they tend to think it couldn't happen to them. That type of invincible perception of the disease and fear of getting tested is what may keep these numbers rising. We have to be careful with the decisions we make regarding our sexual future and even more careful when it comes to our partner's history. If you're sexually active, it is imperative and a matter of life and death, to talk with your partner about condom usage or other forms of contraception. Make the conversation between you and your partner a necessity in order to prevent the spread of this disease. Because in the end, before the clothes come off and it goes down, you both need to be aware of each other's history.

"Slim Thug Gets the Backhand..."

So in case you hadn't read my previous blog entry titled, "Slim Who???" let me give you a little background. Houston rapper Slim Thug had reported to Vibe.com that he felt black women should stand by their men more. He continued with comments and quotes that compared black women to white women in how they treat their men and how black women need to lower their standards to accommodate their men. He even foolishly went on to state that successful black men are virtually extinct. Crazy, right? You can check out the full article here.

Well, it seems that his words ticked off a few of his fellow celebs who were appalled by his words. Former Danity Kane member Aubrey O'Day voiced her words regarding Slim's woman bashing. In her Vibe.com article, O'Day explained how she felt that Slim's words were not a race thing, but more about how men nowadays cannot compete with the wave of independent women that have emerged across all races. She stated, "...spineless men of all creeds are waving the proverbial white flag of defeat...they've resorted to projecting their insecurities on those that, God forbid, expect them to live up to their potential."

If you ask me, the girl has made some extremely good points in defense of not just black women, but women in general. At the end of the day, we as women need to stand up and be proud of our independence and know that it's okay to have high standards when it comes to your choice of man or the type of life you choose to live. After all, the sky is the limit. Who are we to settle for less than what we as strong and independent women deserve? Exactly.

"Slim Who???"

So we all know who rapper Slim Thug is, right? Um...wait...maybe we all don't remember that guy. Well, this week the Houston rapper allegedly reported on vibe.com that black women need to stand by their men more. However, there were some parts of the article titled, "Slim Thug: 'Black Women Need to Stand by their Men More," where the rapper appeared to be bashing black women and their views of their men, making statements regarding the standards of black women, and even how dating a white woman may just be better. Well, if you ask me, it's men like him that black women need to simply turn the other cheek and keep stepping. Here's a preview of some of the controversial comments Slim made:

"Most single Black women feel like they don't want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct."

"I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be [expletive] with me about it saying, 'Y'all gotta go through at that [expletive]...my White woman is fine. She don't give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y'all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other [expletive].

As if this was not bad enough, Slim went on to compare how white women treat their men versus how black women treat their men saying, "White women treat they man like a queen and Black women feel like they ain't gotta do that [expletive]." I mean, is this guy serious??? Apparently he is and has no shame in saying these things about his own race of women.

He ended the article by stating how the views of black men and women have really misconstrued views and their mentalities are extremely flawed. Is this so? Have we as blacks caused the media to shift our views to the point where one of our men have succumbed to saying words like these about black women?

I don't know. But I do know that as a black woman, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having high standards. As black women, we need to understand and be proud of the fact that we don't have to settle for less than we are worth. We should hold ourselves to the standards of queens, because that is what we are. We do not have to settle for less than the best. Clearly that is something that Mr. Slim Thug does not understand. It's evident that he does not appreciate the true beauty and strength of black women. Because if he did, he would not ask us to lower our standards to prevent our men from raising theirs.

"Loving Your Reflection"

"Do you love what you see when you look in the mirror? Because I bet that if you love it authentically, everybody else around you will."

These were the awe-inspiring words of the talented Mrs. Jada Pinkett Smith in her interview with Essence in their issue titled, "So Jada, So Free". Mrs. Smith shared her inspiring views on how black women need to love and embrace their bodies, skin tones, hair, sensuality, and confidence as she stripped down and bared all for the front cover. In fact, the entire magazine's July issue celebrates the beauty of black women and the elegance that black women have displayed from generation to generation. Several A-listers were also featured in the magazine in an energetic and beautiful photo shoot, where each woman boldly stated what they felt was beautiful about being a black woman. As I read through the magazine, I couldn't help but wonder how often it is that we as black women love what we see in the mirror and are not afraid to express that confidence in our beauty both inside and out.

Surprisingly, not many of us love ourselves enough to display that level of confidence.

Historically, black women have had to endure a lot in this world: slavery, household responsibilities, gender stereotypes, black female bashing, and sometimes picking up the slack of our men. These are the times when we have to carry the world not on our shoulders, but on our backs. Talk about carrying the weight of the world.

But so many times we tend to not take time to truly appreciate ourselves and our beauty from the inside out. We spend so much time taking care of everyday responsibilities and trying new products to make us look more like what we see in videos and magazines, that we forget the beauty that we each hold from within. It's a beauty that has been engraved into our DNA that has been passed down from our ancestors who themselves were queens of their native lands. We forget to appreciate the strength and fearlessness of our spirit, the smooth color of our various hues, the undeniable ways that we move and carry ourselves, or even the way we support our men like no other women on this planet. We have a level of power that no other race of women on this planet can display ever so proudly. We have an undeniable beauty that comes from within and radiates off of our skin. That type of confidence is something that we should embrace each and every day.

There aren't too many other women that can move the way we do, put our souls into our cooking the way we do, cut you with our eyes and love you just the same the way we do, or display the evidence of a strong legacy the way that we do. So whether you are at school, babysitting, in the workplace, shopping, or simply laying in bed, take the time embrace the beauty of being a black woman. Be able to define yourself by your individual gifts that God has blessed you with. Understand that you come from a race of women that have withstood the wiles of this world and were still able to stand tall and smile. Love yourself and love the skin that you're in.